Tips on positive mealtime language for toddlers & children

Guest blog by Laura Matthews Nutrition - registered nutritionist, food consultant and early years nutrition expert.

Fussy eating is a relatively common phenomenon in children and it is widely agreed to be a part of normal toddler development. It tends to start between 12-18 months, peak at around 3 years and then gradually improve for the majority of children. There are lots of factors which play a part in fussy eating, they include their genetics but also environmental factors. Environmental factors are usually things that we can influence and shape. 

This blog focuses more specifically on the language we use with our children at mealtimes if you are looking for a more detailed overview of fussy eating then you can find here. It will provide you with insight into the language you may be using with your children at mealtimes and how it can be interpreted as well as providing suggestions for alternative phrases. If you are struggling with a toddler or child who is a fussy eater then take a look at Stacey’s online fussy eating course.

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This stops pudding or sweet foods being on a pedestal and brings all foods back on the same level playing field. This alternative phrase puts the decision making back in the hands of the child as to whether they eat & how much. They still get exposure to different foods on the table, which increases familiarity and the chances of them trying new foods in the future.

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Creating negative consequences or withholding foods places pressure on children to eat for fear of the outcome (not getting dessert) and doesn’t allow them to listen to their own body and make decisions about what and how much they want to eat. Using the alternative still gives exposure to a range of foods which in the long term is more likely to lead to acceptance. Using the alternative phrase supports a longer term positive relationship with all foods. 

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Children understand from an early age that praise ‘well done’ means they have done something their parents approve. The first phrase creates that pressure to eat to please our caregivers or parents and can override our hunger/satiety levels. Children need to be in tune with their own appetite levels and not eat to gain praise or approval. 

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In the same way that adults can have different food preferences each day, children are no different! Keep offering a variety, so they can learn to love and embrace all foods.

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Children are clever and sense our tactics if we try to push ‘healthy’ foods onto them this will likely send them running! Our aim as parents is to encourage the notion that all foods can play a part and be enjoyed in the diet. Keep language simple especially for younger children; nutrition can be a complex topic to grasp for all, let alone children!

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Rather than making alternate meals, serve 1-2 familiar foods alongside the same family meal, perhaps as side dishes. Try to create a regular schedule and stick to roughly the same time each day for meals and snacks so children can develop hunger and know when to expect the next food occasion (e.g. every 2-4 hours depending on age). 

Solutions to creating positive mealtime language at home:

• The more you can relax and remove the pressure to eat at mealtimes, the more likely your child will be more relaxed too. Focus on other topics of conversation rather than the food itself, e.g. what you’ve learnt from the day, what went well, etc.

• If a child claims a food as ‘yukky’, it’s still important for your child to see you eating and enjoying all the foods offered at the dining table. Your ‘yuk’ is other people’s ‘yum’! Offer preferred/safe foods alongside other new or supposed disliked foods. That way you know they still have the chance to eat more familiar foods if they wish and see others enjoying a variety of foods too.

• Consider your verbal language, body language and facial expressions at mealtimes. As ever, keep it neutral! It’s not helpful for you or for your child to see disappointment at every eating occasion and it could encourage your child to eat to gain your approval.

• Using favoured foods as a reward for eating so called ‘less desirable’ foods sets food up on a hierarchy. Don’t label foods as ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Keep it neutral! There’s no such thing as the perfect diet and children don't have to eat ‘perfectly’ to be healthy.

• Remember as parents we are in this for the long game! There is no quick, overnight solution, rather consistent behaviour is needed on our part. We are our kid’s best role models, so continue to eat with them at mealtimes & offer a wide variety of foods 

If you need help with your fussy eater…

then check out Stacey’s online fussy eating course. With over 20 videos, downloads and written content you will be supported to learn more about how to manage stressful mealtimes and help your fussy eater to try new foods.

Laura became a Registered Nutritionist in 2012 through the Association for Nutrition (AfN) which gives the public confidence that she’s an accredited nutritionist offering evidence-based advice. 

Laura worked for Jamie Oliver as Head of Nutrition for 10 years & has been freelance for 3 years. She now works with local councils, independent nurseries & school food catering providers to ensure nutritional guidelines are correctly interpreted and helping them develop new standards and ideas for providing balanced, enjoyable meals to support the efforts of parents.

You can reach Laura on https://www.lauramatthewsnutrition.co.uk/ and follow her on @laura_matthews_nutrition on Instagram.