Feeding Trauma

As you know I support families of children who have feeding difficulties. I also support many parents, usually mothers, who feel low and isolated and who tell me that they feel helpless or that they are failing. It is important to me to always talk to families about how they are feeling and the journey they have been on/are on as I strongly believe that families can be traumatised by challenging early feeding experiences and that part of my role is to listen and help. 

There can be a range of situations which can trigger these feelings…

1. A traumatic birth.

20-30% of women find some part of their birth traumatic. This can mean that women start their journey to motherhood with some really big and overwhelming feelings. After trauma it is common to feel on edge, restless, anxious or irritable. When this has been our birth experience, feeding can then also understandably seem hard and one more thing to have to do. Mothers may just feel so emotionally exhausted because of the birth that feeding feels too much. Birth trauma can sometimes affect milk supply or the trauma at birth causes mum to feel detached from baby so the closeness and physicality of feeding then feels overwhelming. 

2. A single but highly stressful experience related to feeding.

This is usually early on in the newborn phase and could include the separation of mother and baby and the need for a medical feeding plan of some sort, nasogastric feeding and pumping/formula. Perhaps also a situation where a breastfed baby loses more than 10% of their birthweight and requires intervention. 

3. An ongoing challenging feeding experience.

Babies typically feed every 2-3 hours from birth, so it goes to say if feeding is complicated by issues such as reflux, cow’s milk protein allergy, tongue tie or colic, then experiencing this 8-10 times a day, every day will leave a lasting impact.

4. A judgement or comment by someone else.

I’ll never forget the words of a midwife on day 2 of my firstborns life: “you’re starving that baby” she said to me. It brings tears to my eyes just to type this. For me this firmly sits in the category of birth trauma but for others phrases such as this or “Isn’t she tiny, are you sure you’re feeding her properly?” can be placed in the ‘feeding trauma’ box.

5. Not feeling heard. 

I’ve talked about this on my social media before and there often appears to be a focus on health professionals making judgements about feeding based on quantitive (numerical) aspects. These could include weight, number of wet/dirty nappies or volumes. Often the quality of feeding experience for infant/child is overlooked. This can lead to you feeling unheard or dismissed and unsupported. All of which can exacerbate points 1-3. 

Seeing as feeding an infant is viewed as a fundamental given, it is not surprising that parents who struggle to feed their infants experience feelings of failure and guilt. Not only can caring for a baby with feeding difficulties impact parental mental health and wellbeing, but family dynamics can also be affected. A mother who has to leave their toddler to go into a dark and quiet room to ‘get the baby to take just a few ounces of milk’ or who needs their partner to support them for every feed as it is so distressing can really take its toll. It can also impact on quality of life for the whole family, not being able to feed your baby or child outside of the home for example. 

In my experience, early feeding challenges may, in some cases, go on to influence later feeding experiences. For example, I see parents struggling with fussy eaters, who have sometimes had an early negative experience around their child’s growth, or parents who start weaning with great expectations as milk feeding is so challenging can often lose their way as their sensitive eater may not wean in a way that matches those hopes.  

By no means is this always the case and I get many messages from families who feel that introduction of solid foods has totally changed their feeding experience for the better. 

So what was my goal in writing this blog? Well it was just to say firstly if you are having a tough time feeding your little one, you are not alone! There are others out there who are also experiencing this or may have done in the past, and there are also professionals who are trained to help you and trained to listen, so please reach out for support.

Secondly, if this resonates with you and you have some of the feelings I’ve described, I want to say it is OK. It is very much expected that you would have those feelings or others when faced with the challenges you have faced. I also want you to know that how your baby feeds is usually more about them as it may be about you and your role, and that is not something you are in control of. All babies are different and some have additional needs when it comes to feeding.  

I’m sending much love to anyone who is reading this and is finding things hard. If there is anything you think I can help you with then please get in touch .

I would like to thank Dr Rebecca Moore, Consultant Psychiatrist for her contribution to this blog. You can find her over @drrebeccamoore on Instagram.